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Over and Out.

This blog originally began as a thread over at forum.preys-world.com that ran for a couple of years until the folder in which it resided was populated by only me, and was eventually closed down as part of the admin there tidying things up. I popped on over here and have used it as my hollering point for another couple of years, and it’s served me well. I never had a huge amount of traffic (though I was surprisingly popular in Brazil) and never got into the whole “community” aspect of it with linking to other people’s posts and tagging things and putting up pictures and all that shit. I posted here because it was faster and more anonymous than leave handwritten psychotic scrawlings everywhere and I couldn’t afford an old-fashioned typewriter. The posts on here encompass my life mainly in the seven or eight months after finishing college before dwindling to a few moans and rants about my still current job.

A few days ago the fine deviants of Preys World had a little State of the Forum talk and decided that the blog folder should be reopened, so I’ve got my old avenue of blogging back. I’ve decided to discontinue this blog and head on over back there purely because I’m more likely to post there and I’m on it every day anyway. It also allows me to talk more easily to a bunch of freaks I’ve known for years rather than the sporadic and anonymous people on here.

You’re all more than welcome to check out the new blog, Another Reminder Of Fatness, at http://forum.preys-world.com/viewtopic.php?f=34&t=30112. I should give a heads up that the only way to view that particular folder is to actually sign up, just for the privacy of other members. I know nobody will, but you’re welcome to all the same.

Peace out,

Johny.

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Things have been a bit fucked up over the past week or two, my cousin died a couple of days ago after a heart attack brought on by a life of good booze and presumably better drugs. One of the paramedics at the scene wanted to pronounce him dead there and then but the other fought against it. After a few days in a medically induced coma they took him off the ventilator and he had what I’ve been told was a peaceful death.

I didn’t really know him at all, being a fair bit older than me and normally not present at any family get togethers. It was strange, being at a rosary for someone who was largely a stranger yet most of the people there were family. Between my uncle dying a few months ago (suicide, which I don’t think I mentioned, mostly due to lacking either the time or the inclination) and now this it’s been a rough patch for everyone. Mostly it’s made me aware that time is slipping by, that the people I grew up with as a child and whom I considered more or less immortal because they could never be anything but were slowly but surely getting older. Eventually it’s not going to be the fringes of my large extended family that will bite the dust, eventually it’s going to be someone who’s house I slept over at as a child, who told me stories and whose kids I played with at parties and the like. One day I’m going to have to carry the coffin of someone I well and truly care about, and they’re not all going to be afforded the choice of suicide or relative quickness of a heart attack, there’ll be illness and wastage instead. Far too soon my family is going to shrink, and we’ll ask less how people are and talk more about how they were.

My cousin leaves behind more than a half dozen kids, with five mothers to look after them. He’s lying in a coffin right now with a Celtic strip emblazoned with the names of all his children. He’s wearing jeans, Timberland boots, and a pair of Family Guy boxers with “womaniser” ön the waistband. He was in his thirties. I should have known him better.

Another gap in posts, tried to sit down and write about a half dozen times but never got the peace to do so. But today is my day off and everyone is either out or in bed after a night shift so I figured I’d grab what little chance I have for some proper quiet to get all this typed up.

Had one of my rare nights out to a club the weekend before last, as is normal my memories are rather hazy, what I do remember after the bottle of Jack Daniels before we all left to go out was the police stopping us on the way to the train station, asking me what it was I had in my still mostly full plastic pint glass, to which I replied: “Whiskey, sambuca, tequila, vodka, some poofy fruit juice and a wee bit of cola on top to darken it.” Either they didn’t believe me or I had the good fortune to bump into the soundest polis in Scotland because I walked away with it still in hand.

The club itself was the usual medley of rock tunes that I’d either never heard of before or was too drunk to recognise, a man emploring me to “just kiss his fuckin’ burd man” and minor flashbacks of a ginger chick with big tits and a chest piece.

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Through beer-goggles she might just have looked like this. But probably not, let’s face it.

Next thing I remember is standing outside, lost from everyone I went with who all appeared to have had a rammy with the bouncers and got chucked out, missing my last bus and weighing up the pros and cons of getting either a taxi or walking home 30-odd miles like you only can while completely smashed. Eventually a little kernel of common sense made itself known and I opted for a taxi instead. Walking to the rank I heard some skinny dude who looked like he would’ve lived in a Berghaus jackets were this 2007 asking if one of the drivers would take them to the town right next to mine. Operating on “close enough” logic I told the guy I was going to share the taxi with him. Yes, told. Woops.

He shouted on his two mates who were busy trying to proposition another driver and we all piled into the back of a Hackney cab and were merrily on our way. The taxi dropped me off first, and the three guys decided they’d pay my fair as they thought I was a bouncer! For £50 in my pocket I wasn’t going to correct them.

And… that’s about it. Other than that I’ve been working away and reading The Walking Dead comics. Three cheers are in order however as this is offically the 100th post I’ve made on this little blog. Not too bad I’d say!

Has it been nearly ten days already since my last post? Time seems to fly by when you’ve been stuck on never-ending backshifts for over a week with a single day off, and still another two more days to go! That sums up pretty much everything I’ve been doing, with the addition of more seems as I get home when everyone else starts to go to bed and I’ve developed an aversion to staying up until five in the morning (today being an exception) downstairs in the living room watching movies or whatever.

One thing that has happened due to getting in a few more hours sleep is that I now have a lot more semi-lucid dreams, including an unfortunate one where I was driving around and got lost at night in a town that seemed quite nice and seaside-y but I had no idea how to navigate. On this rainy evening I pull into a parking space behind some a block of flats and two guys try to steal my car, a scuffle occurs, and one of them gets a kicking while the other gets run over as I make good on my getaway. Another involved an old flame making an unwanted visit culminating in me realising that I was dreaming, saying “fuck you” in the dream and deliberately waking myself up. The longer I try to sleep the more likely it is the dream will eventually turn to shit.

I’ll leave you to interpret that, I’m off to bed.

First day back at work today, felt like I’d both been away forever and no time at all. Found myself for the first time ever sitting in the car park with exactly three minutes to spare, my eyes closed and having to will myself to turn off the car engine and go into that god forsaken cunt of a place. Nothing had changed, not that I really expected it to given that I’d only been off for a week. Tell a lie, there was a difference: one of the guys in my team got sacked, and I’m not all that pleased about it.

The guy in question (who I think I named here ages ago, but I can’t be arsed hunting it down now) had given out a few free upgrades to friends and family members, got caught, and got thrown out the door. It was a rather naughty thing to do, but it seemed largely like an excuse to get rid of him, given that someone who was doing the exact same solely to profit from it (and wreaked havoc with people’s bills as a result) was apparently going to get another chance if only he hadn’t been a bit of a cunt in the disciplinary. As a general rule of thumb: Fucking the People = Bad, Fucking the Man = Not so Bad. That’s in my book anyway. If a multi-billion pound company loses a few pennies due to a couple of employees giving out things to friends while still raking in money as part of subscriptions and more than likely tying those same people into new twelve month contracts just to get their fancy new DVR then I’m not going to shed a tear. Sure it was his own fault, but now some guy is left without a job in a really fucking shitty job market with no good references and more than a years hole in his employment history to justify, idiocy on all sides.

You might be able to tell that I’m not too chuffed to spend my days sitting in front of a PC all day listening to cunts, even sitting in front of a PC all day playing computer games was better. My voice has slowly been returning, now sounding more like a shit Billy Connolly impersonation that anything else, but still has the habit of breaking at the most inconvenient times, usually when a cutie from customer services is walking by or I’m having to explain in detail why someone is an idiot. The lowest point of today however had to be the woman who called up shouting that her internet was slow/intermittent/wanted to cancel/unhappy/blah/piss/moan. She hadn’t called up in the last six months, she was entirely wrong about everything she was determined she was right about, and I fixed the problem and hold a slight glimmer of hope that she feels like the cow she is. But all that is par for the course, what really annoyed me was the fact she opened up a packets of crisps and started eating them on the call. One of my real pet hates. Some of you might think it’s an overreaction, but imagine this already arrogant fucking arsehole slobbering and chewing and panting and blowing out through their nose as you’re trying to fix the mild problem they’ve treated like scurvy of the clit or something, and they’re doing it right in your ear. Was determined not to let it bug me, really I should’ve either told her to quit filling her usually cock filled gob for five minutes or just hung up. I’m just rusty after having been off for a while, normal service shall resume tomorrow!

I’ve got a week off of work, and it couldn’t have come at a better time. Since Monday I’ve come down with what seems to be the flu minus the feeling mightily shit part, probably brought on by all the plaster dust hovering in the house during the redecorating and my girly wee lungs. I’m sitting here with a voice that’s dangerously close to being lost while going through different sounds from Christopher Walken to Bane and finally settling on a vague drag queen timbre. Another ten hours of near constant talking and I’d have probably been a mute for a few days and not got any sick pay from it either.

Anyhoo, now I’m trying to convince myself to do something remotely constructive. It only took me about 25 minutes to force myself to sit down and write these small words so things are looking up. Keeping myself amused is difficult, and has become considerably more so since my green stocks ran dry. I’d gotten into the habit of having a joint on most nights after getting home from work, lying monged on my bed reading or listening to music then drifting off into a nice easy sleep. It was simple, and it passed the time brilliantly. Now I’m constantly aware of each minute passing by and keeping myself amused until I eventually grow tired enough to fall asleep. Life’s longer, but not really much better.

Managed to finally get a catch up with Marsha a couple of days ago as well, between me working and her being in and out of hospital (before finally just getting her gall bladder torn out and fixing a large part of the problem) I’d not seen her or wee Babby since last year. Ended up going for a road trip into Edinburgh and experienced the delights of the one and only Krispy Kreme in Scotland. Part of me wanted to burn the place down solely due to it being a fucking drive-through doughnut shop and the ridiculously long queues to get served. Another part of me however must admit that the doughnuts are delicious, and the building should be revered for the unique abomination it is. You can tell I really want more but know I shouldn’t.

Other than that I’ve got my coffin into a halfway usable state, now only a stream of wires trailing along the floor, I’ve actually cleaned! Now I’m spending this lovely Sunday evening plucking up the courage to make the five minute car journey into the shops and see about getting myself some new specs that don’t have rust on them. Knowing my luck that’ll come right into style soon as I chuck them. Fuck it.

A rather belated hello to 2013, I know I’ve not been around in a while. I start a post, get distracted, leave it for days or weeks at a time then wipe the slate clean and repeat. That’s been going on since my last post. Read through the last few post I’d made dating back nearly a year, I’m treading over the same ground each time, and probably would be again today, so I’ve decided to keep the catchup as short possible…

Things wot is the same:

Still in the same job, finding an easy groove where I mostly get peace and half-consciously think about getting myself sacked so I’d need to find a new one. Same car. Same room in the same house. Same glasses. Same weight. Same mattress. Same shit haircut. Same relationship status: single, happily, but needs more shagging. Probably the same jeans. Same boots. Same cycle of getting high for a while then being sober for a while. Same procrastination and tomorrow attitude day after day. Same kind of bleak mindset.

Things wot is diff’rint:

Marsha had a baby! A beautiful little girl who popped into the planet back in October and who has had enough pictures of her appearing on Facebook every day that you could easily make one of those time-lapse videos you find plastered all over YouTube. Um… That’s the biggie I guess. Another one of my friends had a baby too, sadly not nearly as cute but as it’s a big strapping laddie you don’t want him looking like a wee poof eh? Both my little brothers have been in for operations, one due to a fractured eye socket because he picked a fight with a sink, the other for a hernia that he didn’t tell anyone about until two days before he was scheduled to get it done. And that’s about it, it’s been a miserably static few months where I haven’t done anything remotely constructive and have in many ways gotten worse in most respects. Go me!

I think that’ll be enough for now, just dipping my toe in the water and getting used to hitting the publish button and setting this shite out onto the internet again. I’m going to make a more concerted effort to not only post more here but actually do more worth posting about, not that you haven’t all heard that before. Expect moans about the public, you all love them!

Night night, sweet dreams!