The Depilated Authoritarian.

The parents are away for a week on a cruise to celebrate their 25th anniversary, leaving me with those two wee gobshites Thickness and Goggles to look after. It’ll be simple enough, freezer is stocked with enough food to last, there’s plenty of water in the tap and they’ll be at school during the day. Thickness is easy to handle as he’s a hermit at the best of times. As long as there’s a PS3 controller within arms reach I can leave him to his own devices. Goggles on the other hand, is a chancing bastard: When I woke up this afternoon he’d just got back from taking his friend to hospital. They’d sprayed hairspray on his leg when he was passed out drunk then set fire to it, now he’s got burns in the shape of a cock and balls. It’s not even that he gets up to mischief, he’s just completely bollocks at hiding any of it. Still, as far as I know he’s not had the worry of finding out if he’s going to be a dad or not before he’s 16, so he’s beating me in that regard I guess. They should behave themselves though, I didn’t inflict all those years of brotherly violence on them for nothing. Mum has very kindly left some money for us to spend on food and general living stuff. But I’m sure that the three of us can survive for seven days on stew and pasta, which frees it up for other things like booze. After all, beer is filling, and spirits are rather good at killing the appetite when drunk on an empty stomach. And weed. And a new pair of shoes. And hopefully enough petrol to go and drive to get all these things.

Before any of that though, I’m having a little change, namely shearing off my hair. I’ve worn it long for the past year or so, it looks alright, but I’ve decided that looking like a younger version of this…

…isn’t really what I’m after right now. So I figured that with £5 and as many minutes I can get it all taken away and shall magically turn into this:

Uncanny! I’m missing the simplicity of little things like washing my hair quickly and not having to blow dry it and generally worry about how it looks. And I’m tired of having sweat soaked hair getting into my eyes while I train but too proud to do anything about it like some sort of nancy boy. Plus if it does end up looking like shite it’ll grow back in quick enough. First time I’ll have had it since my rugby playing days, where it was primarily to stop it all getting pulled out when I taped my ears up. In case the pictures weren’t enough of an indication, I’m keeping the beard, it’s become my “thing” and I’m still a couple of stone away from having a chin to show in public. Tomorrow, things shall look different.