30 Days – Day 28 – “Pregnancy”

What if you were pregnant or got someone pregnant, what would you do?

Do exactly what I did the last couple of times: shit myself. I don’t want a baby, especially not with the kind of girls I’ve been with. Fuck, I was with a girl five years and I still didn’t want her to be the mother of my (sweet Jesus please) firstborn. Right now would be a seriously bad time for it. Living with parents, unemployed and my biggest concern is where I’m going to get my hole from next? That kind of situation does not a good baby make.

The first pregnancy scare I had was back when I was fifteen. Sex was awesome and condoms were the devil, so I went in bare and had to fight against every instinct I had in order to make my arse go in reverse when I wanted to come. Sooner or later it was going to happen: she told me she was late and my heart tried to tear itself out of my chest and sprint for the door. We had the same conversation as the one I had a few years later with Ex. It roughly revolved around what she was thinking, how she felt, and me trying to gently steer the conversation in the direction of “we’re too young, it would be mental if we did it” without ever saying the word abortion, because then all the cards have been laid on the table and it’s a great weapon to be used against you later on. So I listed all the downsides, and there were many, of having a kid. Thankfully in both (or three, I can’t remember) instances it turned out they weren’t pregnant. From then on I was considerably more careful though. When a male pill is developed, I think the human race in the western hemisphere will die out.

However if I did end up getting a girl pregnant, then I would bend over backwards to support her, and make sure that I looked after my kid. I might not want one, but when it comes down to it I’d be there. For all I may joke about running a mile, I couldn’t bring myself to do it. Even if it wasn’t a happy little nuclear family, she’d never be a single mum. That’s in the best case scenario of course, which I hope it would be, and that I didn’t knock up some crazy vindictive bitch that would use our kid as a weapon. I’ve seen it happen, doesn’t matter if the guy loves his kid, the woman can’t see beyond herself, or even has the kid tell the dad that they don’t love him any more. Men are prone to acting like cunts as well, never being around or being bastards when they are. Being a dad is off the cards for years to come yet…

…I’ve went and jinxed it haven’t I?