Brainfart on Christmas.

It’s a little more than a week until Christmas rolls around again, and I’m afraid to say that I’m just not feeling it this year. When I was younger I used to have this impossible to describe sensation around the festive season that I didn’t feel at any other. It wasn’t simply the fact that Santa got closer with each passing day either, there was a subtle change in the light outside, the entire world seemed to have a different vibe to it, like a kind of magic that had dwindled and is now gone. One of the things I associate most with winter is the lights under the kitchen cupboards getting turned on. They weren’t fairy lights or anything, just regular old short flourescent tubes that millions of people have, but they only ever seemed to get turned on in December when the nights drew in earlier. There was the annual argument between my parents about the decorations as well of course: who was going to drag them down out of the loft, who was going to put them up, who was going to take them down again and do it properly, all that shit. Happens in every house, and to this day I’ve never understood the fuss over putting tinsel on a fucking tree. The only bit I did used to care about was putting the angel on top.

Age no doubt has something to do with my apathy, along with the fact that when I was in school I’d be looking forward to a couple of weeks off, we’d be talking about what we were going to get, and probably doing some Christmas themed work in the class. Plus the whole thing felt more like it was aimed at me, now it just doesn’t. No more holidays for one thing, now I’ve got the far more shit “days off.” That’s when you know you’re a grown-up, when life is binary. Another aspect is that there’s nothing I particularly want either. Without meaning to sound spoiled, I’ve got pretty much any material object I could want. Books I have dozens of still unread, and the likes of music, films, and games I can pirate for free easily. This no doubt makes me a bit of a cunt to buy presents for, and while I don’t mind getting money in a card in the slightest, I feel bad at spending it on mundane things like petrol or food for lunch.

But I do have a spending plan for the new year. Firstly I’m going to take my car to the garage, as the MOT is a month overdue at least by now, and I’m going to buy myself a decent pair of glasses, so that I don’t need to wash the rust off of the side of my face every night before I go to bed. Clothes shall also be bought, maybe even doing the womanly thing and buying something too small to give myself a target of fitting into. And a mattress, because the springs in the one I have now can no longer be called such. I did just say I didn’t like spending my money on mundane things right? I’m sure I did. So I’ll start saving up for skydiving instead.

Here’s a song about people you can describe with the following letters: I G N R E G. Enjoy.