Eatin’ bread and Facebook dead.

This is a rambling, aimless post because it’s after five in the morning and I’m still not the least bit sleepy. The weekend has knocked off my circadian rhythm or whatever the fuck it’s called, which I’m going to have to fix rather quickly as I’ll be up early most days from now in. Which is what normal people do, so I’m not going to complain too much about it.

The fitness aspect of things has been going alright, steadily dropped a few more pounds since the last time I mentioned anything, though the past five or so days haven’t really been the healthiest. Not been able to get to a gym yet as I’m not able to afford it, which is another expenditure from my seeming six-figure minimum wage pay, which I haven’t started earning yet. I feel softer though, and a bit deflated, without any real extra sense of being fitter, and I don’t like it. Weight and fitness are two different things, it’s the latter I’m wanting to use to reduce the former, rather than simply melt off flab. I also had my first bit of bread in around two months. I’m not going to get all melodramatic and start throwing around words like “relapse” and “disappointment” because I don’t feel them. There wasn’t any other food in the house save for a three day old loaf and a couple of slices of lorne sausage that’d probably been lying in the fridge for at least twice as long. Faced with the prospect of either whacking on the George Foreman until the meat was nice and cremated or putting on four layers to trudge out into the snow to top up on tuna, I decided to take the easy way out. And you know what, it was a thoroughly mediocre meal. Eating bread all the time was a force of habit rather than a need for taste or whatever, and now that habit’s been well and truly broken. I don’t find myself going to use it as a snack, because I don’t snack altogether. Easy.

Speaking of habit, or at least things you can’t seem to get rid of, I’m trying to subtly and without drama remove someone from my life, and yes, it’s another girl, though not the most recent one. Nah, this is a girl from college who plain makes me feel like shit. She’s never said or done a bad thing to me, she isn’t horrible, and I’m not head over heels about her, she just isn’t good for me. I dunno what it is, she’s like a fucking dementor, sucking all the happiness out of me through nothing more than proximity. College finished and she was basically gone, only meeting up now and again when I stupidly thought it’d be a good thing or when we’d bump into each other in a club. Every time I did though those old feelings would roar back up, and I don’t know exactly what’s causing it. As I said before I’m not into her, I don’t lust after her, I don’t want her friendship, she’s not even a depressing person, I just can’t be around her. Cutting her out entirely was the easiest way, and I thought it was as simple as removing all trace of her from that most pivotal of social things: Facebook. But I couldn’t unfriend her, only “unsubscribe,” out of internet politeness that I’m struggling to justify. For some reason she’s constantly around wherever I go on the site. She pops up in every friends in common list, on my sidebar nine times out of ten, and she began liking half my statuses and even suggesting sledging later on today, something I’m going to just ignore. I really need to just man up and get rid, let’s face it.

Yeah, fuck it, I’m going to give those few little mouse clicks and unfriend her. I just took a little stroll down memory lane and realised that pretty much all the times I’ve felt worst over the past year have corresponded with the times I spent most with her. Much as it shames me to admit it, that girl’s caused me a fair amount of heartbreak.

Gone.